306. nepalese scribes haven’t ears, feet, or eyes

ryan onstott
2 min readFeb 26, 2022


nepalese scribes haven’t ears, feet, or eyes,
and couldn’t if placed on a plate (one) describe,
but thinking real hard, through logic (compartment)
have put into boxes, worked in the margins

and assembled a list of poop (what it is) —
the four poop conjectures, and carved them on plinths
that high in the hills would travelers fill
with wonder at mighty tight reasoning skills

1. poop is broad, expansive, and odd,
it doesn’t like strangers, its fills up your body,
it starts with your face when you stuff it with raisins
(or butter or barley or meat costume mailers)

2. poop has breadth, and height, and a jeff
that sits on the backseat and tells you to measure
the value in stool as rounded, reduced
to forty percent of original use

a stool doesn’t bleed from its liver or spleen,
but stares at you silently from its high seat,
and if it directs a flash flood of wet,
the heavens advise that a fat-berg has bred

3. poops discuss in pods or in pubs
how each individual poop will out-flood —
some poops are more wise and float on the tides,
while others are social and communes combine (in)

a poop that has risen with rhetoric lists the
five golden poops the horizon on (fizzy,
fresh, goopy, simon, the all-knowing pie)
to be sent to the fields for THE FEATS BENEATH LIME

the battles won will the five poops instill
in legions of waste water sewage plants spilling
a feeling of hope that future the soap
will wind down and let them get on with their flow

4. poops are blind, through purpose designed
to lead all humanity (IN SOME FUTURE TIME)
to a world more diseased, more fundamentally unclean —
but first all the fat-bergs must all be defeated